Past knocks at your door again............

It was a Friday evening. I was home. The phone rang,breaking the silence of the evening.It was Jenny. She wanted to hit a party with some people who were perfect strangers for me. I thought for a moment, weighing the option of a quiet predictable night vs the wild uncertain party flavor. Unpredictbility won.

I found myself climbing into the car with Jenn and one of her friends and heading to one of most happening night clubs in the town. We were soon surrounded by a group of party animals who seemed to know each other since their conception. It does become rather difficult to blend in a group who are knitted together like the ten toes of a party animal. Never the less, this was a rocking crowd. I have never felt people so willing to welcome you in their midst.

In the middle of head banging music, drinks, dance and kidding around I found myself slipping into a comfort zone.Till, i saw him: a ghost from the past. I stood there trying to get a clear view. He came nearer, more real every second. He hugged people around me and among the loud hi fives, all my hopes that this was a vision which would go away fizzled.He looked at me and for a moment I thought he just looked through me.Till the slow dawn of recognition flickered in his eyes.

I thought we had put the distance of seven seas and several years between us, and yet as I stood there staring at him, it all seemed like yesterday. I am not easily flustered. Yet i made a complete fool of myself right there. I dropped my glass,spilled the drink all over my dress,banged into a couple dancing next to us and just created ruckus for a moment.

Next moment, I was being carefully extracted from the crowd and being steered towards the restrooms with one of his arms wrapped around my waist. I found refuge in the rest room for a few moments, trying to come to terms with the situation. I was surprised to feel what i was feeling. I was deliriously happy to see him and my heart was skipping two beats at a time. Jenny came to check on me and i hugged her so tight, scared the wits out of her. Both of us together were able to salvage the dress. Thank god for that.

We stepped out to find him waiting for us.. He lead us to a quiet area of the terrace garden,talking at random.He was talking to Jenny, and yet his eyes were fixed on me.. Jenny excused herself to take a call.. he looked at me and handed me a glass...Orange juice, he said..You can pretend it is a screw driver.. we both laughed.. He remembered,whimpered my heart.. I should be mad at him.Here was a guy who had broken my heart and yet in that moment i felt nothing but a surging warmth in my body.

We sat there talking.We laughed, talked about old time exchanged notes.. It seemed all like yesterday. It is so strange, how with some people you can just pick up the threads where you had left them. There was no awkwardness. He looked at me and said, I am stunned. We still have a chemistry.. I was scared.It most definitely felt like magic.

The moment was not to last,though. He talked about his marriage and his move back to India. If someone had put a dagger through me at that moment, I am sure there would have been no blood. I can't still feel this way, my mind fumbled to find reason.I had just walked out a serious relationship.. I am supposed to be in love with that guy..and yet here I am mourning for a guy i haven't seen in 5 years...

I managed to hold fort and not burst into tears. I am so proud of myself at times.. We talked for hours I think..We remembered all the old times, the fun episodes.. I felt brave and asked him point blank,why he had disappeared on me years ago..He gave me a lame story about his family..I wasn't convinced but somehow I didn't feel any anger.Guess it was water under the bridge but i just needed to hear from him. He held my hand and said he was really sorry. He knew he had hurt me and he had been guilty of it for a long time now. I told him, i just wished he would have had the courage that time. he looked at me in the eyes and told me..he regrets nothing more...If he had things could have been radically different......All i could do was smile.

We moved the party to one of the other guys home. Everyone was having fun..There was food,free flowing drinks and awesome music.. I parked myself on one of the sofas with a drink..He joined me and we sat there all night holding hands.

I did wish i could change the past and yet I was happy........Everything happens for the best...

When the past catches up with u!

Sometimes you come face to face with the past. And surprisingly it doesnt't hurt. When you can face the past and talk about the feelings that were holed up inside for years, you feel a sense of relief.

If i had a time machine,maybe i could go back and change some things. The thought crosses your mind and you laugh. We are greedy souls.Or sometimes we just realise our mistakes a little too late in life. Life moves on..The rewind button doesn't work.

Is it true? You get only one chance.If you screw it up, there may never be a second option. Sometimes life does gives you a second chance and we still manage to botch that up.

Maybe whatever happens, happens for the best.Maybe it was not supposed to happen.God has plans for us. I heard someone say" If you want to make god laugh, tell him your future plans".

And yet you whimper and complain. It feels like you gambled away your entire life.But it wasnt my fault.You blame others,circumstances..anyone and everyone..Doesnt change an iota of the past...

Have faith my friend, for he who has faith has the world... Let bygones,be bygones...

She walked in the coffee place, with some apprehension.When she noticed a pair of guys sitting on the next table check her out,she relaxed. Appreciation always boosts one's confidence...

She was wearing a black top, jeans and a pair of black boots. Her thoughts drifted as she set her black purse down..This bag newest in her large collection had burnt a significant hole in her pocket earlier this week.... somehow that thought made her grin.. She was a spendthrift...

This coffee shop was her all time fav. Good music, good crowd, great strawberry shakes...She was meeting someone here..She checked her watch, she was early..Nearly an hour early..But she had to come to this side of the town for an errand earlier in the day..Made no sense to travel back and forth...

She settled down with her strawberry shake and her book.. she had not done this in a long time.. The book was interesting but somehow she found it difficult to concentrate.. Her thoughts wandered to the guy she was going to meet in some time.. To be continued....

Love

Dont look for love and it will find its way home....

If I ...

If i could fly away i would
If i could touch the sky i would...
If i could swim away i would
If i could touch the depths i would....
If i could walk away i would
If i could touch the horizon i would....
If i could tunnel through i would
If i could touch the core i would....