i wish i was six feet deep i w ish i was far far away i wish it would all end....

i wish i was six feet deep i w ish i was far far away i wish it would all end....

the breeze...

the soft breeze playing in my hair.. caressing my face wrapped around my waist tingling my toes talking to my soul.....
my eyes twinkling, my lips quivering ,whispering humming enveloped in the warm cold embrace of the breeze

i believed in real love once upon a time...

the kind where i wake up every morning to see u sleeping next to me the kind where i dry ur hair after u jump out of the shower the kind where i wake up earlier than u just to watch u sleepthe days i come to pick u up for lunch during a working day or i sit next to u and whisper sweet nothings? or hear u talk about ur each and every action that day the kind where u wanna hold hands and walk down the beach or get wet in the rain and cuddle up with a nice coffee after making out ;-)the kind where u stick around when i mpuking or the kind where i wish i went thru ur pregnancy pain hmm the kind where i clean u up after uve puked all over urself and me and kiss u after that and tell u its ok the kind where we have our major fightsand yet i love u like crazy the types where i sit next to u and pamper u when ur sick r the kind where i feel ur every woman to me the kind where i sit and listen to u explaint o me abt the cars engine for hours and pretend to be interested or the kinds where i can tell u my darkest secrets and fantasies and u dont judgethe kind where i can put u and ur neds before me ]the kind where i know ur needs before u know them !! the kind where we live together as onethe kinds where i see ur dreams in my eyes the kind wher i dont care what nyone else says becaz ur word isfinal tome.. i know u wont lie no matter wat nyone else saysthe kind where im so open i dont know what lying to u is all about the kind where u r still around aftr i have thrown the worst tantrum everthe kind where im waitin for the moment to enjoy ur tantrums mthe kind where u still loe me when i mold with freckles my boobs sag andi hae tyres the kind where u still love me when the piston has lost its pump the kind where i am thinking of ways to pamper u differently every day of our life the kind where im thinking of something new to spice up our lifeevery nightthe kind where i refuse to let u go to a very imporatantmeeting becaz it is ur bday the kind where i spend hours planning

u r not the one for me....

i love u .. u had me at hello.. i fell in love with you more every day we talked.. i loved you when u went around looking for sth i really wanted... I loved you the day u remined calm when i was hyperventilating... i loved u eah day every day more and more.. but i cant be with you... i will love u alwyas but i cannot breathe your musky smeel every day.. I love you every bit but i love me more... I cannot be the option in your life while you r the priority in mine.. I wont settle for less..i deserve to be the rudder of ur life not the lighthouse in a storm.... i deserve more much more...

a friend that was,..

i was talking to a dear friend today. He went on to elaborate how i was a loser. How i was alose canon all over the place. It hurt like crazy.. some of the tings he said were true but man i hurt like crazy... and dan he decided the way to fix it is walk out.... i dont know waht hurts more rite now .. what he said or him walking out....

i walk the plank today

I will walk the plank today in an hour.. and every minutr that i closer i hate him even more. the pirate who is responsible for this.. he stole everything and left me to the mercy of des mercenaries... If he would have taken me with him i would be sialing with him in far off seas and enjoying the pleasures of sea life.. but hell no its the plank for me... and dunno if it is today or there are more to come.. Either ways it is a pain.. oh how i wish i could find the pirate and run m dagger through his heart.........

Philo by a dear friend....

t’s about being happy. Simple!
If something or someone has been stressing you out to the point of sadness, isn’t it time to take action?
Take a closer look at what’s bothering you and bugging you today and figure out if it’s worth holding on to.
Sometimes it is necessary to let go of expectations, which only lead to pain.
And sometimes it’s necessary to walk out of a dead-end relationship or job you just know isn’t good for you anymore.
Take Action today. Recognise the patterns that have sabotaged you in the past, and cut them off.
It is a good day for coming to terms with how you really feel and for choosing the direction of happiness.
After all, it’s your life, and happiness truly counts!

Ishq...

hum gilah karen toh kis se karen
ki ishq humne kiya
bewafa unken kahen toh kaise kahen...

The day i met gods messenger

He looked at me and smiled. I was surprised. He was rathere serene. He called me over. There were two other people sitting with him. I sat next to thim rather bewildered. He talked a little to the other two and almost ushered them to leave.
He looked at me and said," Thoda zeher de dun tujhe".I was shocked.He went on," Itna gum le kar ghoom rahi hai. Chehra itna murjhaya hua hai. Zindagi acchi nahi lag rahi."I managed to mumble," Nahi woh thodi tabiyat theek nahi chal rahai hai.. baaki sab theek hai.."He went on," arre tu toh bade hospital gayi thi na, bade doc se milne.. Kya bataya unhone tujhe?"I was confused. Do I know this guy. I did not think I had met him before and yet he was talking to me like he knew me and my life.He said :"Unhone toh tujhe taqat ki goli de kar bhej diya."I started laffing and so did he. He was right. All my reports were normal. And I had been kidding to myself that maybe I just needed viagra for life.but I doubt I had spoken those words aloud to nyone.He smiled at me and said," woh chala gaya hai. Usne tujhe dhoka diya hai. Tu kyun uski galti ko apne dil se laga kar baithi hai."I was pissed," dhokha wokha nahi diya.Koi na koi reason hoga."He smiled " toh main galat nahi hun?". I didn't know what to say. I had just been tricked into admiting my deepest secret.

He continued. Tu bura na mane toh bolun."Shiv parvati ki jodi thi. Tum dono zindagi mein bahut uncha jaoge. Lekin tum dono adoore ho. Tum ek dossre se bahut kuch seekna chihye tha. Yadi tum sayaym rakhte ek dossre ko jante to tum dono is jyada sampoorna jodi nahi thi nuqable ki" tum dono ek dossre ka dard samjthe ho, tu thoda gussa zyada karti hai thodi ziddi hai.. har kisi pe ishwas kar leti hia bholi. Who kisi pe vishwas nahi karta. Apne saae pe bhi nahi. Tum dono ko ek dooser se sikhna tha bahut kuch. Yeh sanjog uska ashirwad tha.. lekin………I was looking at him, and said…: aur kya jaante hain aap…

He smiled but went on ," usse laga tu usse bandh degi.. woh kishan hai.. raas lila karta hai.. tu meera banane chali hai aur who tujhe rukmani nahi bana chahta.aur jise who styabhama samjah raha hai.. woh maya jaal hai. lekin eesh keliye tu rukmani hai….tujhe raj yog hai aur uska tej prbal hai… ".usse zindagi mein aasani si bahut kuch mila hia…abhi woh andha hai guroor ho gay hai usse,yeh galti usse mehngi padegi…, uski aankhen do saal mein khulengi aur tab zindagi na nigalte bangi na ugalte…..

I had had neuff.. I said : watsthe point talking abt sth that could be. It is no more. Ab nahi hai.. khatam ho gaya.. usne mere saath jo kiya uske baad mein kabhi upe visgwas nahi kar sakti..lekin aap usse badduya mat dijeye…

He said, tu ya main kuch nahi kar sakte.. jo karna hai use karna hai.. and jaldi karna hai.. uske paas samay kum hai..I kept staring at the floor ..not knowing what to say... i think i was in shock

"Look at me,he bellows… I look up, he looks angry….Tune usko maaf kar diya aur woh ju tere paas hain, unko tu kis baat ki sazaa de rahi hai….sarri duniya buri hai.. jinhone tujhe itna pyaar diya who sab bure hain? Sambhal apne aap ko.. yh bmri kuch nahihai.. Tere kundli badi balwan hai.. tu itna ladi hai aaj tak, ab kaise haar maan sakti hai tu… " willpower" yeh tera mantra hoga..Tujhe bahut aage jaane hai,.. bahut upar.. tere abhi 3 saal padne ka bhi yog hai.. tarakki hogi bahut unchii… Samjahi..?

I nodded my head, but..He said, malum hai ( he said sth in hindi which I didn't ud but crux was) ur kid will be the joy of ur life……. That kidwill be so succeful that you couldn't be more proud.

I think for the first tim ethat eve, I smiled. I asked him a million questions. Ladka hoga ya ladki. Kitne honge.. he didn't reply to nything he started laffing.. he blessed me and said.. khush rahe.. I know he wasn't going to tell me ny more…

But I knew all that I nee to know.. my baby strongest

Real love....

How do I tell you, I believe in love? Real love… The kind I feel when you kiss me when noone is around.. the kind when u look for my hand whenever we are out and hold it like it was a sacred bond…the kind where you feed me in a restaurant with so much care that tears wel up in my eyes.. the kind which wants to kiss you in the lift when the door closes and leave those tender lips just as the door opens to find an old woman staring at our guilty expressions…. The kind where I walked with you for hours even when my feet are hurting like crazy looking for the restaurant you had loved on ur last visit… the kind where you remember to get me khakras when you visit me becaz I had said I loved them the last time.. The kind where u search for the white tshirt which I said I want to see you in….The bubbles of laughter when you try to open a cork of a wine bottle with a screw driver becaz we were stupid enuff to forget the cork screw opener..the kind where I tiptoe around the room when you are sleeping and I stare at you for hours when you sleep…. The kind where u worry about me when I spend too much time in the loo and offer to be my knight in shining armor and get me dependyl.. the kind where tears stain my cheeks everytime I say gudbye to you.. But the kind where I could only muster enuff courage to tell you tat I love you when the fear of death loomed in front of me… and I convince you that it was nuth but the spur of the moment.. So when you walk away from me you do not hurt… you do not see the pain that sears through me every morning… the lonliness that envelopes me all day… the tears tat sleep with me eevery nite…